Hi. I’m sorry that it’s been so long. I’ve been just a tad busy.
But in honour of Mother’s Day I’ve dragged myself out of the beautiful chaos that is life with a baby to share some important perspective I’ve gained on this whole new-mom thing. I have a sneaking suspicion that many of you out there feel bad for us.
Back when I was a self-absorbed twenty-something I used to look at the mom next to me in the grocery line – zero make-up, mis-matched clothes, screaming toddler in her cart – and feel bad for her. I wondered why so many women seemed to fall into the mom cliche of getting a bad haircut and giving up on their appearance. It seemed to me they had given up on life. I now realize that I was partly right and partly very, very wrong.
It’s true that us moms don’t care about our appearance. We don’t give a fuck. But don’t read it the wrong way. When I say we don’t give a fuck, I mean that on every possible level and in the very best way. Let me explain.
Before I became a mother I looked for validation from the world to feel whole. It was important to me to be liked. And so I behaved accordingly. I always tried to look good and say what I thought others wanted to hear. I didn’t stick up for myself if I thought it would put someone else off. I gave as many fucks as possible, all of the time. It’s not that I didn’t have any self-confidence, I was happy and liked myself and all that good stuff. But there was a teeny, tiny void inside me that I looked to the world to fill. I didn’t even realize it was there until I had my son.
Being a mother is the ultimate validation. I feel more than whole, I feel superhuman. I have birthed, nourished and grown a baby with my body. I have survived the most extreme emotional
highs and lows, extended periods of sleep deprivation and intense physical pain. I experience stress and frustration daily and I greet them with patience and a smile (most of the time). I have discovered the true depths of the human heart. I don’t need validation from anyone else. And thus, I no longer care what anyone else thinks.
This state of not giving a fuck is so much more than leaving the house without make up. I am more honest and straightforward, with myself and with others. I am more decisive and more confident. I haven’t returned to work yet, but friends who have say that they also became better at their jobs since having kids. And it makes sense: there’s a significant amount of mental energy you waste on giving a fuck that is now freed up.
So, don’t feel bad for us moms. Yes we are tired and overwhelmed. More than you can imagine. But we’re also perfectly happy, fulfilled and confident. We are fuelled by caffeine and floor-cheerios and we give zero fucks. We are unstoppable.
In Search of Bliss 
Absolute Truth! Written Beautifully and exactly how I feel! Everyone needs to read and appreciate this! Way to go Mama!!!!
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So glad you enjoyed it Kali!
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Oh! But yes!! Moms learn the value of ‘giving a fu*k’ ONLY EVER when it is truly needed. If it’s not required- guess what?! We don’t give a FUUUCCK!! This- I feel is an underlining truth/secret (call it what you will) of motherhood. Thanks Aisha for speaking our ‘mom Truth’! 🙏👏
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Thanks love!! Glad you appreciated it!
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That was exactly on point, Aisha. Thanks for writing a real and truthful post, loved it.
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Thanks Amy! Glad you liked it
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