In Search of Bliss

As I write this I am 16 weeks, 6 days pregnant. According to my ‘what to expect‘ app, my baby is as big as an avocado.

My husband and I waited a while to have kids, so most of my close friends already have at least one child. Due to supporting them through their pregnancies, I thought I was extremely well prepared. As a matter of fact, I thought I was pretty much an expert.

I quickly realized that there was a LOT I wasn’t prepared for. Especially in the first trimester. Most women don’t publicize their pregnancies until they clear 12 weeks, so those first three months often remain a mystery to friends and family. Having now lived through it myself, I can say that the first three months are incredibly challenging both physically and emotionally. Here is my list of the five most awkward things about the first twelve weeks:

1. Hiding the biggest news of your life from everyone you know

You’re bursting with excitement, especially if it’s your first pregnancy. You’re dying to share your huge news with the world, but you can’t. Not only can you not talk about it, your body is trying to spoil the secret with tell-tale symptoms like nausea, extreme tiredness and aversions to alcohol and certain foods. I never fully understood why women hid their pregnancies until I learned the stats: one in three pregnancies end in miscarriage, usually in the first twelve weeks.So if you do give in to the excitement and share your news, you may face some very uncomfortable situations later on if you lose the baby.

Anyone who knows me knows that I have the worst poker face in the world, so it’s not surprising that I was terrible at this. Thankfully I didn’t have any morning sickness to hide, but I found social situations incredibly difficult. Despite all the tips on how to hide the fact that I wasn’t drinking I was always awkward about it. I also became terrible at small talk – my mind was so occupied with what I couldn’t talk about that I struggled for what to say. Needless to say several of my close friends got the news out of me early because it was written all over my face.

2. Your body plays pranks on you. Usually in public.

If you’d been at the Shoppers Drug Mart at Dundas West and Bloor a few weeks ago, you may have passed a woman sitting on the floor in the middle of an aisle. As you finished your shopping you would have seen the same woman up at the cash, sitting on the floor in the line-up. That woman was me.

I was out doing errands when I experienced this lovely phenomenon of pregnancy: my body decided to surprise me with an attack of searing stomach cramps, dizziness and overheating for reasons unknown (this is before I fully quit coffee, which may have had something to do with it). I was determined to finish my shopping but had no choice but to sit on the floor for fear of fainting or passing out.

Another fun prank your body will play is random swelling. As your uterus grows and takes up more space in your abdomen there isn’t much room for your stomach. This means you start the day looking pretty much normal, and end the day looking 5-6 months pregnant depending on what you ate that day. Add to this the fact that you aren’t yet big enough for proper maternity clothes and the result is all kinds of fun situations. Like walking down the street with your pants undone. Or sitting on a plane next to a stranger pulling your tights away from your stomach. For the entire flight.

In these situations you just hope no one notices, because of course you don’t look pregnant. Sooo people will just think you’re a weirdo.

3. Walking on Emotional Eggshells

“Try not to get too attached”

This is the last thing my doctor says to me after confirming my pregnancy. Which is of course asking the impossible. But due to the aforementioned stat on miscarriage in the first twelve weeks, it’s necessary. I lived in a state of emotional limbo for three months, trying to not let myself get fully excited while my heart did jumping jacks at the sight of every baby I saw.

My doctor also said something that made me feel better about it. When a pregnancy ends in the first twelve weeks it’s nature’s way of aborting when something has gone seriously wrong with the development. So it’s actually the best outcome for everyone, especially the poor unborn babe. Mother nature always knows best!

4. Living the life of a 30 year old with the energy level of an 80 year old

To say that you’re really tired in the first three months of pregnancy is a huge understatement. Words can’t do justice to the level of tiredness you feel. Your partner won’t get it. Your friends won’t get it (unless they’ve been pregnant themselves). So this is another delightful complication to add to the mix when you are trying to follow your ‘normal’ routine and hide your pregnancy.

Although I’m not currently working I can imagine that working while pregnant is like working with a killer hangover. You’re just trying to get through the day without sounding like an idiot or puking on anyone, while scanning your office for places where you can take a nap without someone catching you. And then you repeat. Every. single. day.

Then there are evening social events. Never mind the fact that you have to hide the fact that you’re not drinking. Your body doesn’t function past 9pm. Period. If I was ever up past 9pm in the first trimester it took me three days to recover. So get your excuses ready as to why you need to leave the party early.

5. Public transit is not your friend

By now you’re probably getting the picture, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that public transit is not an enjoyable experience during the first trimester. You’re in serious need of a seat, probably more so than most passengers around you, but you won’t look it. This means no one will offer you theirs. And they may just give you dirty looks if you don’t give up your seat to someone else that they deem more worthy. But of course, if you haven’t even told your family or friends your big news yet it would feel strange to tell total strangers on the bus just so you can have a seat. Just hope that getting a seat is your only problem and that you’re not hit with a random hot flash or dizzy spell during the ride.

Did I miss any other awkward or funny experiences about the first trimester? Let me know in the comments below!