So it’s almost Valentine’s Day. The holiday devoted to love, and I’d like to mark the occasion by reflecting on the most important type of love in our lives.
Don’t let Hallmark tell you differently: the most important relationship in your life is the one you have with yourself.
My personal journey over the past couple of years has brought me to this revelation and since I discovered it my life has gotten so much better.
I’ve learned that the love I have for myself dictates all the other relationships in my life: if I don’t truly love myself I’ll never be able give myself fully to my loved ones and the love they return to me will never be enough.
This is why you must give to yourself first before giving to others; as the popular saying goes, “you can’t pour from an empty cup”.
It’s a concept that I find most women struggle with, and one that is very top of mind for me as I’m due to become a mother in two months. But finding the right balance will mean a world of difference.
Take your relationship with your partner. If you don’t love and respect yourself fully it creates a void that you will look to your partner to fill. Based on my own personal experience I found this manifests itself in two ways:
- You will be needy and desperate for affection and your relationship will always be out of balance. Your partner will eventually crack under the pressure of never feeling like they can give you enough to make you satisfied, not to mention never having their love returned in equal measure
- You will snap. Every little thing they forget to do will be a sign that they ‘don’t love you’. You will look for these signs everywhere and explode over the smallest things, like forgetting to clean up their laundry or take out the trash, because you take them as signs of a huge issue in your relationship (sound familiar, ladies?)
Then there are your familial relationships: your children, siblings, parents and close friends. I believe this is the area where it’s hardest to find the right balance. As women we have the natural tendency to be caregivers and our instinct is to give first to our loved ones before taking anything for ourselves. The urge to be the ‘perfect’ wife and mother is hard ignore when social media is shoving it down our throats every day. But this is where the concept of filling one’s cup before pouring from it is most relevant.
When we don’t take time for ourselves we don’t have the energy, physically or mentally, to be there fully for others. We may get things done: dinner on the table, never missing a game, throwing that Pinterest-perfect party, but what if we’re a nightmare to be around while doing them?
My husband recently said to me “I honestly don’t care about coming home to some gourmet dinner. All I really want is for you to be in a good mood when I see you”.
This was very eye-opening for me. Is that really all there is to it?? Apparently so. All our loved ones really want, and what they truly need, is a happy mom/wife/sister/friend who is enjoyable to be around and is as generous with her love as her time. There is simply no point to getting ‘everything’ done if we need to be impatient, grumpy and constantly snapping in order to achieve it.
And so, when you wake up on February 14 I encourage you to give yourself a very important present. Take a deep breath, look in the mirror and accept yourself. You are enough. You are amazing and you are perfect, exactly as you are. Let this day be the day you start prioritizing your needs, because they ARE just as important.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
In Search of Bliss 